June 30

Okay. So it's not so bad. Although, I do have eight hours and twenty-six minutes left before I actually become 30 years old.
But,
I'm okay with it now.
In fact,
I might even like it.
Maybe,
I even love it.
And New England, and our home, and our little life out here in the far, far away...even if my car is broken and stupid money troubles eat my brain and I wish the river was closer (because it's effin HOT today). I love it all, anyway.
And my sweet friends who came last night and brought yummy food and their children who all played happily together in the sandbox. And the lovely weather that waited to rain until it was time to come inside for cheesecake. Cheesecake with bee pollen on top. mmmmmmmmmm....

And even if I had a teeny tiny little bit of a 1/3-of-life crisis, this birthday is rockin' compared to last year's, on which it had only been two days since we lost a dear friend and a large piece of my heart broke in a million pieces. Needless to say, I didn't feel much like celebrating, as I had just posted this.

But this year was yummy quinoa salad and fresh summer greens and bee pollen cheesecake and warm feelings and iced apple tea.

I feel blessed.

And I lit a candle for Enki Pie and forgave myself for having let him outside that day. It was an accident, and I need to let myself off the hook. He forgave me a long time ago, so I should just get on and be content that I have his sweet, fluffy memory to cherish always.

I didn't pose for snaps yesterday...I didn't even bring my camera outside at all. I spend enough time taking photos of yarn and fibery things, that I tend to lose interest in documenting other aspects of my life. I already spend too much time editing photos, but anyway, I feel really weird having a picture-less post. So, here's a recent-ish photo that never got posted:

Oh, and will try, try, try very, very hard to get an update done tonight. So long as the rain holds out until AFTER the good afternoon light.

So, Happy Monday, Happy Birthday To Me, and a Very Merry Un-Birthday To All of You!
Enjoy!

Tags:

I something you...

I really do, LJ (and Blogland).

Things have just been...challenging.

So I have been silent.

Once the fabulousness of spin camp was done with, and all the great folks went on their merry way, the loneliness of this house and this town really closed in around me. I felt totally inspired, yet strangely paralyzed. I think the impending 30th birthday is also contributing to the heaviness in my heart right now. I have been brutal with the self-evaluation...what did I think I would be doing and where did I think I would be? Certainly not where I am, but at this point, I just feel muddled and confused and have no clear idea of my goals and desires. Most of the time, I just want to sleep.

Which is bad.

I do know that I feel at peace when I am spinning, that I can relax and slip into meditation and start to breathe a little. I just don't know how realistic it is to continue trying to eek an income out of this quiet place. Maybe it's not good for my soul. Then again, maybe I just need to make more of an effort to put myself out there. I get amazing, encouraging feedback for my work, and that, surely, is good for my soul...I guess I just need to find a balance.

So, for the sake of cheering, here are some pictures of my favorites from camp:

Fae

Curly Clouds

Envy, who is now a scarf.

Well, I am off to pick strawberries with the lad. It is peak of the season this week, so am also picking up some pectin and new jar lids. Last year we made a case and a half of blueberry jam, and we just now finished off the last jar. It will be nice to have a different kind of berry jam in my life this year. Especially for it's usefulness in filling chocolate cupcakes. mmmmmm....

...and, I'm OUT.

...for a bit, at least.
This coming weekend is the Pluckyfluff Spin Camp, Vermont Edition at my house, in my humble li'l studio and I'm all in a tizzy getting things ready...food and folding chairs, fiber and fluff.

We are wilting today and for the next few days...I am filthy and sunburned, but the cinderella pumpkins are planted, the broccoli is excited and the cukes are emerging from their mounds. I just want to lay down in the garden and watch everything grow.

But there are things to do.
And not enough time to do them.

Such is life.

ABC Meme-ness, and...stuff

Accent: um...northern California girl?

Breakfast or no breakfast: Always. Lots of it.

Chore I don't care for: Cleaning bathrooms. Really, any cleaning involving sponges and water.

Dog or cat: Cat. A fluffy one that leaves dreadlocks all over the house.

Essential electronics: Laptop and the stereo. Yes we live in the dark ages and still use CDs, records and...cassettes.

Favorite cologne: What's cologne? Essential oils I use: sandalwood, vetiver, black coconut.

Gold or silver: um...steel?

Handbag I carry most often: What's a handbag? I carry a Timbuktu messenger bag (from back when they used to let you design your own)

Insomnia: Yes.

Job Title: Artist? Mama? Neither of which I get paid for.

Kids: One three-year-old crazy bean.

Living arrangements: 200-year-old farmhouse.

Most admirable trait: Resourcefulness. Without it, we'd be starving.

Naughtiest childhood behavior: Stealing, although I hate the term "naughty," (in reference to children, anyway).

Overnight hospital stay: Never.

Phobias: Elevators.

Quote: "The snow goose need not bathe to make itself white. Neither need you do anything but be yourself." Lao-Tse

Reason to smile: My boy. Our garden. Good friends. Hope. (I suppose that would be reasons).

Siblings: 2 step-sisters, one a Mofo Maven, and the other a Roller Derby Queen.

Time I wake up: Between 5:30 and 6AM. I wait as long as possible to get out of bed, though.

Unusual skill or talent: Lately...hoeing. Yes, my back hurts. Usually, thought, it's turning a pile of fluff into a beautiful piece of functional art.

Vegetable I refuse to eat: Cauliflower. I'll eat it, but I think the stuff is awful. Besides, I think white vegetables are creepy, unless they're roots.

Worst habit: Internet.

X-rays: Mouth.

Yummy stuff: Chocolate. French indigo lentils. Pecans. Kombucha.

Zoo animal I like most: It's a tie between the Sun Bear and Otters.

I post this because I have too much to say right now, too much I've been thinking about, to make a real post. The state of of things (in this country, in the world) are weighing heavily on me and I'm in the midst of major life decisions that terrify me and give me hope all at the same time. We have had two glorious days of rain, thankfully, and all is dreary, wet and gray. In the moment, I can be happy. When I think outside of it, I feel paralyzed.

I carded the wool for this yarn, infusing it with Prayers for Rain. They were answered, and my seeds are happy:

Prayers for Rain corespun bits of everything, including wools, flax, sari silk and easter grass.

Market tomorrow. Off to spin.

late.

It's the only time I have to get things done.
...like set up a very sophisticated drying system for the new cards I just had to print at 11:30pm.

It would be nice if I could find other, more sensible times to decide I just have to do things. Oh, well. 75 new cards printed and at least I feel somewhat accomplished this morning. There are more cards in the works and my list of fiber to-do is ridiculous. I will spare you.

In other news, I love seeing what happens when my yarns go off in the world to play. Check out this gorgeous shrug! Thanks for sharing, Angela!

In other other news, C made mounds for the cucumber seeds yesterday. The yellow swallowtails loved them:

Shortly after this picture was taken, the butterfly gathering grew to about twenty. I freaked them out, though, and they disbanded. For one perfect moment, there was a cloud of butterflies swirling above us. 'Twas lovely.

the weekend...

Where to begin.
I tend to believe there are reasons for everything.
Apparently, I didn't attend Art Star because I needed to have a glorious spat with my husband in the morning, right before taking off for market. Okay, it was more like...a fight. Like, we said hurtful things to each other in awful voices. And then stormed off in separate directions with our little boy all freaked out and confused. AWFUL. And about something totally unimportant (so it seems to me now).
We just don't do things like that. Ever.
I know we're abnormal, never having arguments or disagreements about anything, but it felt like the most terrible thing.
I set up for what was a bummer of a market day (forecasts for penny-sized hail and cloud-to-ground lightning kept people away, although it ended up not even starting to rain until the very end), and I waited anxiously for C and the Little Guy to show up.
When they did, we just held each other and I cried a bunch and suddenly we all felt amazing. It was very weird.
We are both bottlers.
I guess we've been fermenting and just needed to pop the cork and release some tension.
Our life has been so stressful this past year.
I also think it was good for the Little Guy to observe some conflict/resolution. It's so rare in this house.
We're all still riding that, feeling great, like a weight has been lifted.
So, I missed out on making some money/connections/whatever this weekend, but it seems obvious now that staying home was...somehow necessary.
I need to stop holding onto every little negative feeling and keeping it locked up inside me. It's like poison.
I wish C could farm full-time. I wish we didn't need the job that makes him feel like all the most interesting, creative parts of himself are dying, that makes him so tired he can't do the work he really wants to do.
Baby steps.
Goats.
Lettuces and mustard greens:

We'll make it through the other side of this, I know.

At least I made some pretty things:

I managed an update, although not as large as I'd planned...some yarns and a few scarves. I have several things that need some attention from my camera...new cards and some other little goodies. Next time.

I have completed a pdf version of the hat pattern I posted about a while back...I have absolutely no idea how to get it up on Ravelry or even onto my website. It's free, so if anyone wants me to send it via email, let me know. I'll play around and see if I can figure out how to make it more accessible.

C is home today, so we're going to complete our planting...most importantly, the bean seeds around the Little Guy's Bean Teepee:

Can I please be three now, and play in my sandbox in the cool shade of vining bean plants? Lucky duck.

Ta for now, and happy Monday y'all.

OMGoats!

They're heeeeeere!
I love them.
I knew I would love them.
But, I really love them.

Meet Alice:

She is on a lead, getting a tour of her new surroundings. She and her babe had not been exposed to much in the way of grazing, so they have been timid to leave the barn and enjoy the green-y goodness of Spring.
Baby Isobel:

Miss Isobel is very shy around us, but I know she will warm up as she watches her Mama. Alice is all about being noozled and pet, and she gives us lots of kisses. The Little Guy is a bit intimidated, as Alice is very curious about the small human. She just wants to sniff him all over and nibble the buttons off his clothes. They really do try to eat everything. Our neighbor gifted the Little Guy a tricycle, and Alice promptly ate the tassles off. Now we don't bring toys inside the goat fence.

Isobel is almost weaned...we may be able to milk Alice, but we're not sure. She's very comfortable with C already, so it could happen.
Did I mention I love them?
I think there must be nothing more adorable than a romping baby goat.

In other news:

( OMGarden! )

And because no post is complete without a booty shot:

omg, omg, omg, omg, omg

Robyn is playing in Northampton in July. I just bought tickets. I did not consult my bank account. I did not consult my sleeping husband. I really don't care.
It was such an amazing experience to see him live in Montreal, that I can't even imagine how amazing it will be when he's speaking in a language I can understand in between songs (he delivered his monologues in French in Montreal).

victoriansquid you are buying tickets and coming down here to stay with us, yes? Do it! Do it! Do it!

I will bring him yarn. I will not make a complete ass of myself this time. Yeah, right.

Oh, and I just started a group on Ravelry for Robyn fans called "Groovy Decay". Check it out if your'e so inclined.