Square One

...or maybe we're further back than that.

C is in California, the little guy and I are still here in Vermont...and the possible living situations are dropping like flies. The place in Humboldt is not conducive to family life (surprise, surprise) and we are now still homeless AND 3000 miles apart.

I guess I'm flying out for a workshop and Renegade (two consecutive weekends), for sure, but whether it's one-way or round-trip I don't know.

The only thing keeping me going is trying to build up stock for Renegade and to package off to consignment. I feel like I'm overstaying my welcome (although I'm sure that would be denied by my friends) where we've been staying for the past five months, and it's hard on the little guy for us to be separated from papa. Sure, it's hard on me, too, but I'm a grown-up and can pretend I'm fine. The little guy wears it all on his sleeve...today he enlisted our buddy Raph to turn his truck into an airplane...they attached a propeller to the front...so that they could fly to California to see papa. I was instructed to bring a salad. It was all very dear but heartbreaking at the same time.

I had managed to generate excitement about the move to the redwoods and now I don't know what to tell him. So I just keep doing what I need to do to get through each day...spin, spin mostly. Next week I will have to take advantage of his last few days of school to get a good amount of felting done. But then...we are in summer and I will be out of wool and what? what?

I do enjoy that he is having an easy time of living without toys. We embroidered together for an hour yesterday, and he drew a mango to give to his friend across the road. Today we took a long walk in the afternoon and then he entertained himself while I spun a little bit of the stress away. But this is all getting old really fast.

I wish it were easy for C to just come back. Everything I want is right here, but he has said no, absolutely not, he will find a way to make it work out there. Our communications are punctuated with sadness and frustration.

Maybe it is time to pursue my childhood dream of living in Finland for a while. Anyone have a farm by a lake we can live on?